Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
