i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
