he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
