Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
