i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
