i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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