first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
