The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize