Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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