i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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