I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
