You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
