cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
