It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
