I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize