i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
