Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
