if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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