Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
