I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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