I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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