i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
