there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
