WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
