Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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