She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
