And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
