Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
