Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We got so high we made milksteak
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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