I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
