New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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