im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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