I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who died my cat blue again?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
