i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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