Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
