Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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