Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize