If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
