Dual....:-)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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