But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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