you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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