I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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