erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
