actually, I'm a sock model
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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