It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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