It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
