just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
