he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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