If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
