The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
