I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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