so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
