Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
