Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
