Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
