he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
