the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
