what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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