I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
