The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
