Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
