I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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