She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
