she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Watching her eat just hurts me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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