He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love you.
Bad choice
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