I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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