Need sex. Gaining weight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
